So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
