I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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