Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
