I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
