Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
