I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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