I skipped work to stalk him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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