i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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