Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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