I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
