You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
