It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
