Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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