You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
