dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
