I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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