i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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