just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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