I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
