I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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