if you like me you must not know who I am
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
