I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to calm my uterus...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
