Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
