I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
