Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
