i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no you cant smoke seaweed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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