First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
