I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i came on her dog
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize