My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
