I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
