You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
