Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
