the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
