I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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