Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
