Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
