I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
