You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
