I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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