we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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