i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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