Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
