He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
