im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
