i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Alive.
So much puke
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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