Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
