If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
