I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
