i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just cut my nipple shaving
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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