She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
