you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
