Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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