Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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