i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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