would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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