I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
