Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
