My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
