so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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