I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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