at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
