I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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