Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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