just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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