i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
