So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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