he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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