she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
