I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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