is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
