I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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