the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
