I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize