dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
