if i can run in heels then i can drive
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
