I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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