I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
